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Friday, December 5th, 2008
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6:14 pm - It's a wonderful dream
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I had a wonderful dream last night. The kind of dream that you wake up from with a smile on your face. A world better or happier than the world you currently live in. The kind of dream you try to remember all the details. The kind of dream that makes you want to return to it... in which I tried for 6 hours without success. How can I get back to my wonderful dream life?
current mood:  nostalgic
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| Thursday, April 10th, 2008
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6:41 pm - RIP Coach Gary Price (Augusts 14, 1957 - April 2, 2008)
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Coach Price was only 49 and was in pretty good shape but had high BP and cholesterol- what we in the health care field call the silent killers. I'm unsure if he actually knew he had those diseases or not, it doesn't really matter though. I had been thinking about visiting him since I moved back home but hadn't gotten around to it, which doesn't help me. Brian and I attended the funeral on April 7th. I didn't see anyone from my teams but there were a couple familiar faces (teachers- Byrd, the Morris', Vanni, etc and some boys from the '98 class). I also heard there was some dedication thing on Facebook, which I haven't seen since I've been putting off joining another thing. Maybe I'll get around to joining so I can see the dedication... I found out that he was the youngest of 9 grandchildren or so and you could tell the resemblance with his cousins. There were a lot of younger kids there (still in or fresh out of high school), ones that I imagine he had coached recently. They all looked so young and it reminded me of what he's meant to me since then. He influenced so many teenagers coaching various sports though the years- football, baseball, basketball, and track at a variety of school in the FUHSD. The service was very nice with lots of pictures of his life, significant other, daughter and granddaughter. He was buried in a purple running shirt with a timer, sunglasses, and some 49er merchandise- all which was very fitting. The only funerals that I had been to previously were for family members. The traditions and proceedings of the service were different as they had soul music playing in the background and people sang at the burial site. There were a lot of people wearing colors and overall, it felt like a celebration of his life with an underlining feeling of sadness. He was such an influential part of my life in high school, somewhat like a fatherly figure- an adult who was supportive of me when my family wasn't really there for me and I was rebelling in my own ways with those difficult teenage years. I will truly miss him.
Some of my favorite memories...
- "Silky"
- Price always dressing up in suits for our bball games and wearing his gold lucky cross earring. We almost went undefeated that season losing to St. Francis by one point (43-42), the only game we had cheerleaders at =P
- All the "ham and eggers"
- Driving to "The Woo Castle/Palace" after practice and listening to the New Edition Home Again CD on the way home
- The $20 bet
- Jodi and I attempting to play a practical joke on him by moving his car after practice one day. He caught us in the middle of it.
- The "Flash/Money" play never got old
- Mimi's cafe with Jodi and Price for his 40th bday and the Nike shirt I bought him
- Hitting a money shot would cause a clink sound from the basket
- The purple warm up/running suit he bought me for my 16th bday
Occasionally while driving home I still get the idea to go visit Price, especially if it's lunch time which is when I used to visit him... and then I remember that I can't. =( Rest In Peace Coach. Thank you for all your support and advice. You'll be missed.
current mood:  sad
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| Thursday, January 17th, 2008
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11:58 am - Restless nights
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For as long as I can remember, I've had nightmares. The earliest I can remember having them was in Junior High and they continued relentlessly causing many restless nights. I probably had them on an average of every other day or 2. I never really enjoyed sleeping and I now believe this is why. The nightmares mostly have the same premise with people, either strangers or people I know, trying to kill me. One night I had the exact same nightmare twice during the night, which scared the crap out of me since I was 14 or 15. Needless to say I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Another night they were successful and I saw myself die which was quite traumatizing. Around 2005 the nightmares stopped. I didn't even realized they had stopped until maybe a couple months ago since they had become a normal part of my life. But, the nightmares have returned =( For the past 3 nights, I've had nightmares and I find myself wide awake way past my bedtime not wanting to go to sleep. I also wake up early just to lie in bed for a couple of hours wanting to get some good restful sleep but not being able. I'm not use to these stupid nightmares anymore and it sucks! I was finally able to enjoy sleeping and I want it back! Please...
current mood: discontent
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| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
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3:19 pm - Hooray! I'm almost done.
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I just finished my last final for the semester! I have 2 more clinical days but after that I'm heading home. I can't wait for summer vacation. It's a MUCH needed break, although it's only 3 weeks. I have jury duty starting Mon and then if I don't get called to serve, it's off to Seattle and then Kauai with my family. We haven't been on a family vacation since Oahu in 1999. I'm so burnt out from school and hopefully I'll have a relaxing 3 weeks, even though I should probably start studying =P It seems strange to think that I started this program not even a year ago... it seems like at least 2 years have passed. I can't believe I need to start interviewing soon and hopefully, when I'm home I'll contact some nursing recruiters/managers.
This semester was definitely a trying one with the heavy work load, everything with Austin, and summer weddings to attend. I got to go to Disneyland a couple times and Tina came down to hang out at Downtown Disney. I went to 2 Linkin Park concerts (Weenie Roast with Rise Against, 30 Seconds to Mars, Bad Religion, Queens of the Stone Age, Interpol, Incubus, Social Distortion, Korn, etc and Projekt Revolutions with Taking Back Sunday, My Chem, etc). I love good live music. Things with Austin are getting better. We're both working on things and he's even managed to surprise me a few times. Once with dinner at La Foret for our "anniversary" instead of Cicero's. (We got Cicero's the next day). The next was dinner (pizza) delivered to me since I always ask him why he can't have dinner ready for me after my LONG days. The delivery guy and I tried to figure out the "mistake" for 10 minutes. They had my last name, but I didn't order anything. I didn't put it together until I called Austin to see if he ordered it since I realized they had a 425 area code as a phone number. The next was when he flew me to Seattle for the weekend just because he wanted to see me and he missed me, even though I would see him the next weekend for Jenn's wedding. Willa and Jenn's weddings were both beautiful! I still can't believe they're married. I got to learn a little about what I want for my wedding, what I would do differently and the same through them. I ended up giving a short speech at Jenn's wedding, the maid of honor was drunk by the reception and Austin didn't attend the wedding but it all worked out in the end.
current mood:  relieved
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| Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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7:53 pm - Dark cloud
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There has been one following me for almost a week. Last Thursday, I was in the ED and it was a great day for me to participate in, just not so great for the general population. I had a lot of patients that weren't doing well. I was able to do chest compressions and had my first full arrest and then today in the cath lab, I got my 2nd full arrest... in 2 clinical days back to back. It's been a long 15 hour day and I'm heading to sleep soon so I can do it all again tomorrow. I hope this cloud doesn't follow me tomorrow!
current mood:  exhausted
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| Monday, May 28th, 2007
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4:38 pm - Love is a complex thing...
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| Saturday, May 26th, 2007
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12:54 pm - Life is a journey
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In the end, what matters most is:
How well did you live?
How well did you love?
And how well did you learn to let go?
current mood: contemplative
current music: Linkin Park- In The End
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| Friday, May 25th, 2007
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3:10 am - No more I love you's...
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Just thinking about you loser's...
And now a "Bye!"
What does this all mean?!?
current mood:  pessimistic
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| Monday, May 14th, 2007
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11:19 pm - I can't think of a title that would be fitting...
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Today, I received the tickets to the concert I was looking forward to taking Austin to. =(
A week ago to the hour, Austin told me he was going to Thailand with a girl (space) friend that has indirectly caused constant arguing in our relationship since March 29th…
current mood: cynical
current music: Usher- Burn
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| Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
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6:19 pm - It's raining men!
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Finally, the first big rain since I've been down here and I mean BIG with thunder and lightening big. Finished with my first wave of MTs today. Haven't done as well as I wanted or expect myself to do, but there's nothing I can do now... Other than that, starting to feel sick =( I'll have to update sometime soon but for now, it's time to get some rest so I can get better fast.
current mood:  sick
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| Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
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10:09 pm - Homesick =(
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Does leaving home ever get easier? I've been away from home before and the very first time I left for SD was pretty hard but other than that, it was ok... I was ok, much better than I was this time for some reason... =*(
I'm back down south for school...my first day back was hard... and long. Two more people dropped out of my class (1 guy deferred to next year and hopefully the other doesn't pursue a career in nursing). We now have a class of 44 (started with 47) with only 4 guys...
current mood: lonely
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| Monday, December 4th, 2006
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11:18 am - Approaching the Finish Line
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YEAH! I finished my 2nd final and horrible Monday's (9-7) are over. 2 finals down and 4 more to go. I already have an A in my Professional Nursing Role class that ended a couple weeks back... now just 6 more. Thanksgiving was a nice break. I mostly relaxed at home with family, visited with some friends, and watched cable tv (oh, how I miss cable tv, although it is quite a distraction. I've been struggling to get back on track though. Semesters are SOOOO long and I'm use to 10-12 week quarters. Good thing Lauren has been helping me along. Thankfully, I have pretty decent grades going into the finals.. now I just have to keep them. I can't wait to go back home for Winter Break. A month off should be quite nice and Austin's early graduation trip should be fun. The weekend before I head back home will be busy with Disneyland, possibly SD, possible a New Years party that will be taped to be aired on ABC, and hanging out with classmates. Houses hear are much more decorated than back home and hopefully, I'll get some good pictures. I love this time of year! =D
I know I've been quite MIA since starting school and I have been quite busy. I've never studying so much before... it's crazy. I finished clinicals before Thanksgiving. Of course the week after I stated I wanted more procedures to do, I had to do an IV start but didn't get it. I pulled the needle back a little when the patient moaned and lost the vein =( I was pretty nervous and my hand was shaking like crazy while approaching the patient. I was pretty distraught that I didn't get it and declined another chance to try the following week. I'm sure it will just take more practice to get these procedures but boy is it frustrating and discouraging... I wonder if I can be a good nurse since some skills just can't be taught... but then again, nursing isn't all about procedures, although it is a part of it.
Let's see what else have I been up to... Visited Austin for Halloween which was nice to study together and relax a little bit. Visited Jodi for her birthday (Hmmm Deedee Reese). Went to a beautiful dinner with Lauren and her Godfather at Catal in Downtown Disney. I didn't get to ride any rides or watch the fireworks as planned but the dinner was really enjoyable. Disneyland changed their fireworks from the Anniversary ones to the Winter ones =( BUT CA Screaming and Space Mountain are having the Rock n Roll theme for December =)
I got my schedule for next semester and it kind of sucks (Sat. and Thurs. clinical) I'm hoping that if it sucks next semester, then summer semester will be better. I'm not trying to change it since I have 2 weddings to attend in the summer. It's finally starting to get cold here at night... it still ranges in the days anywhere from 60-80s during the days. Back to studying... only 4 more days...
current mood:  busy
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| Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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10:21 pm - Quarter Centruy Club
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Just back from THE happiest place on Earth and I'm pooped. Today was the highlight of my birthday weekend by far! I'm not feeling so great now, probably since I outdid myself, especially being sick and all... BUT it was definitely worth it even when I eat my cold beignets. I'm in no mood to study for my nutrition midterm tomorrow so I think I'll wake up early and study a little. Overall my birthday weekend was alright. I wish I was home but I celebrated at home last weekend. I'm just thankful that I have such wonderful and amazing friends that let me know that I was in their thoughts on my birthday.
current mood: sick
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| Thursday, August 31st, 2006
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7:02 pm - Just the beginning...
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It's been a while since I posted and if I get the time, I will backdate some posts for the summer. I'm feeling a little worthless since I didn't have much to do today except for lab in the morning for 2 hours and I didn't accomplish anything substantial. There's still tonight and hopefully I'll get more motivated. Week 2 of grad school is almost completed and I can't believe tomorrow is already Friday. I'm overwhelmed and stressed and it's only just beginning. I've already been assigned 39 chapters of reading to do by tomorrow! I'm feeling a little inadequate but I also know that it's impossible to ask a person to read that much on top of attending class, learning skills and studying. Since it's the beginning of grad school, I feel that I should read everything but I know it's just not going to happen. We have so many projects and tests that I don't have many free weekends. =( I'm thankful that I volunteered and took those medical terminology classes since the professors throw around medical terminology like crazy. I don't remember as much as I should though... By the end of the year, I'll probably talk in so much code and abbreviations that no one will be able to understand me. =P At least, I have been in a hospital and talked to patients which will probably help my anxiety about starting clinical in 6 weeks. Can you believe it.... 8 weeks of school and I get to touch my first patient... doctors have to wait 3 years before they touch their first patient! Last week, I learned how to give bed baths to patients and proper wound care which had me questioning whether this is something I want to do. I have the feeling I will be questioning myself on this decision for a while but I still believe this is what I want and that I'm adjusting to seeing things that I'm not exposed to in the everyday world.
The housing situation is getting better and I'm not as lonely as I was the first week I was here, although, still a little bit lonely. Mary Helen is around most of the time which is nice for me to have someone to talk with and I feel safer with someone else in the house. She's heading to NY tomorrow and Patty really hasn't been around. She's been in Bermuda for work. She travels a lot since she's a nanny for a bi-coastal rich family. I started carpooling some days with a classmate named Lauren so that's nice. We even studied together at Border's last Sunday. I'm not use to cooking for myself which I'm going to have to get use to again. I'll have to think of creative meals for one. I had a McD's chicken sandwich the other day and I felt sluggish and tired after I ate it. I never recognized the symptoms before but it's probably one of the many effects of eating high fat and high Na+ fast food.
current mood:  stressed
current music: Fort Minor- The Rising Tied CD
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| Sunday, August 13th, 2006
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11:39 pm - Orientation
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Orientation was pretty busy. My days were filled with presentations by most of the services on campus and what not. APA format, the format which all our papers have to be in, has changed and is pretty complicated. I'm already intimidated by writing papers and the new standard on one space after all periods is going to be hard to do. I personally like 2 spaces but I won't be able to turn in papers with that... maybe I should try it with all my writing so it'll be easier... I met a lot of people, some right out of college and some married with children. I seem to get along better with the married ones since some of the ones right out of college seem a bit cliquey. My only concern is that I still need to find a study buddy.
Convocation was pretty nice. It was at a baptist church in Pomona. Western will be starting 3 new schools this year: Podiatry, Optometry and Dental in addition to the 5 schools now (Osteopathic Medicine, Veterinary Medicine, Pharmacy, Allied Health Profession, Graduate Nursing). The school of nursing will be starting a doctorate program called the Doctorate of Nursing Practice that I'm interested in. I don't know too much about it yet so I'll have to research more into it. I would be nice to have a doctorate degree and that would mean more school for me =) Yipee! Although I'm afraid I would need to write a thesis and defend it...
I've already seen the perks of being at a private school. Since orientation was all day, they provided us with food that was actually good... probably since it was catered. The school buys each of us a Kaplan course for the NCLEX, they bought us our white coats for lab, and scantrons and planners. There's a service here for students and cohabitors to use for psychological effects, lawyer visits, etc. etc. And a perk of going to a health sciences school is that they have sessions where you can volunteer for them to practice on you, like physical therapy or osteopathic medicine or bring in your pets for the vet school.
Mary Helen hasn't really been around and I was pretty lonely all by myself. I'm sure it will get better once school starts. I finally met Patty and she seems pretty nice. The neighbors are really nice and friendly. I've started to explore a little but not too much. It's strange to me that you can drive 40-50 mph on some roads that are residential but main streets.
The turtles seem to be adjusting well, although it's pretty warm here and they want to eat more. It's been in the 100s most days. =(
current mood:  excited
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| Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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9:54 pm - Ouch!
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Oh no... I have to get a tetanus booster at the end of the month :(
current mood:  worried
current music: John Legend- Get Lifted CD
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| Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
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12:29 am - Vacation
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I can't believe it. I finally booked my vacation to Hawaii after hours of research. I can't wait... it should be so much fun!
current mood: excited
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| Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
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8:19 pm - Time to celebrate!
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I can officially say that I took my last final on Friday! That is before I start Grad school. I wanted to buy the necklace that I have been eyeing and when I looked a couple days ago... to my surprise, they had the ring that I lost and wanted to re-buy also. They didn't have the ring for the longest time and I was so sad and upset since I waited to buy it... I wanted to do my finances before I bought them to make sure I had enough money.
Today, I got a letter saying that I didn't get into Samuel Merritt so I don't have to take a stupid speech class at Foothill next quarter. I wanted to celebrate being done with school... for the time being and that I'm am absolutely going to Western in August. After checking my finances, I went to buy my purchases today... AND they don't have the ring anymore!! I'll have to keep checking and cross my fingers that it comes back soon so I can snatch them up!
current mood: discontent
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| Friday, March 24th, 2006
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2:01 pm - What to expect?
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My Samuel Merritt interview is tomorrow morning! I've somehow managed to avoid really thinking about it until today. A pool of about 22 applicants are to be interviewed. I'm not sure exactly how to prepare but I will try while not getting too nervous and stressed out.
Other than that, finished my last class today. Only 1 final, a week from today, until the end of an era... unless I can't find a job and am forced to take classes so I can keep my job at De Anza.
current mood: nervous
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| Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
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10:44 pm - What A Relief!
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A week ago, Aiko and I went to study for our A & P quiz at the library and she told me that she got an interview from Western. I was so excited for her and figured that I would get an interview as well. When I got home, I went to check me mail and saw a small envelope from Western and assumed that I got an interview. I wasn't very excited since I already went through the emotions earlier with Aiko. I called Austin and even told my Mom that I got an interview. My Mom asked me how I knew since I hadn't opened the envelope yet and I told her about Aiko as I opened the envelope and started reading...
Wait! This letter reads a little different than Aiko's..... maybe I should read this more carefully. "Dear Lauren; Congratulations! It is my pleasure to notify you that you have been accepted for admission to Western University's Master of Science in Nursing- Entry (MSN-E) Program, Fall 2006 class." WHAT?!?
I was so excited and relieved that I would be going somewhere for grad school next year. After the initial happiness sunk in, I started to think... which isn't always a good thing. I realized that this whole grad school thing snuck up on me. I knew I was appyling for Summer/Fall of next year when I started to apply but the time has passed so fast. I will need to move again... away from home which I didn't want to do. And there's finding housing and roommates and the whole social situation of not knowing anyone... With all these things worrying me... I got kinda sad. I don't want to leave home and my family doesn't want me to either. But since Western has the program that I want, it looks like I will be moving again. At least, all the people will be new and in the same situation as me, instead of in SD where most of the students already had their network of friends. SD was probably the worst social situation that I've ever been in and with talking to Ted recently, I realized that I was depressed in SD. The program is 4 years long... and I'll be 28 when I'm done... At least it seems I would be required to be in Pomona for 15 months until I get my RN and then I could work anywhere and go to school part-time. I would be required to be on campus for 2 3-day weekends a semester since most of the classes are web-based after the initial 15 mths.
Western is pretty expensive since it is a private school and I feel obligated to help my parents as much as I can. So I'm looking into scholarships and financial aid now. I got into an honor society at De Anza that I am debating joining since it's my last qtr there and I'm not sure how much I will benefit from it. I'm debating whether I want to send out my last app to Azusa. They start in April and are located in the same area as Pomona. The tuition will probably be around the same... so I'm looking into how the programs rank at each of the schools but I can't seem to find out any information. I also have to give my decision and deposit to Western by the 13th so we'll see...
current mood: worried
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